Reframing Pregnancy: A personal note about love and freedom.
How I’ve come to experience pregnancy through the lens of love and freedom rather than fear.
Before I begin, I want point out that I do not have it “all figured out” and that this is a journey. In some ways, writing this now is serving as a reminder to me of the direction that I want to go in rather than a destination that I’ve already arrived at. With that, here are a few thoughts I’ve had about what pregnancy can mean and the lessons and love I’m striving to take from this time.
Introduction & a fear based mindset:
As someone who sometimes struggles to find the glass half full, I often revert to anxiety, questioning, and fear when something new happens. News flash… pregnancy feels new every day. Not a moment goes by where something ‘new’ doesn’t happen. As a result, particularly in my early pregnancy (raging hormones, nausea, exhaustion and confusion also didn’t help) I found my mind and nervous system constantly in a state of fear. True fear, like going up a roller coaster or walking into a dark unknown room with no ability to find the light switch and see what’s around me. It was so all encompassing that I lost a lot of myself during that time. I even went so far as to describe the feeling to my friends, who almost all have not been pregnant yet, as just that… a roller coaster that I can’t get off of.
Something in my heart regretted it every time those words came out of my mouth… which were quite a lot - but it did sum up the feelings I was going through in a way that I thought any person could understand. Why though was I having such a ‘scary’ experience and describing it as such?
Opening up to the unknown:
I’ve come to realize it’s not that the fears go away, the unknown of the dark room, those things stay the same because having a new baby for the first time is truly and entirely unknown but that I could reframe them in my mind. For example, not seeing into the dark room, why am I assuming that the room is full of traps and danger, maybe the room is full of soft couches, candles waiting to be lit, a lovely meal or hot coffee and my friends and family? The unknown will always be present but we can’t worry about it or assume it will be bad we have to just experience life as we go and assume if anything that it will be good. After all, we don’t even know if we’ll end up in that very room… it’s entirely imaginary.
Freedom, peace and Joy:
After getting to the point of (somewhat) understanding that my mind and heart can equally feel fear as they can joy and peace, I’ve grown to realize that you can actually choose those things, which is what I have tried to do. I now look at my pregnancy so far and the unknowns that it will bring as wonderful and freeing. For example, rather than framing pregnancy exhaustion or immediate food cravings as frustrating because they ‘get in the way of the routine or what I had planned to do’ see them as the freedom to listen to your body. The reminder to stay present in life and to be aware of what’s happening around you and internally simultaneously. The future is no different, my mind is what I make of it and whenever I feel fear about ‘losing’ something in the future like the ability to go out on a whim with my Husband totally untethered I think about the joy that I am bringing onto earth and the fortune that I will have to be able to spend time with the little baby who will eventually grow up.
Final thoughts:
Over time, pregnancy has been reminding me to be present and optimistic and teaching me that joy surrounds me whether or not I can see it has been such a wonderful thing. I can only hope to carry some of these new feelings into my life after the baby comes. My goal is to stay present, grounded and aware as life comes to me because the unknowns will never stop - but how we frame them is up to us.
With all my heart,
Isabelle